My Modest Proposal

Fight to the Death


Overpopulation and overspending in prisons has become a serious problem across the country of the United States. In fact, the United States imprisons more people then any other country in the world. Also, in one year, US taxpayers pay 32 BILLION dollars which goes straight to prisons. This is way too much money to be spent on prisons, especially since it is OUR money. Also, the US has the most prisoners per capita in the world. Now how can we reduce the amount of people in jail, and also reduce the amount of tax payer’s money that is spent on prisons? The answer is simple, have an Ultimate Fighting ring in all prisons, except have them fight to the death.
Now UFC brings in revenue of about $222,800,000 a year, imagine how much money could be brought in if there is UFC, except there are prisoners fighting to the death! There could even be a specific type of prisoners who fight, in example all prisoners who have a life sentence or are on death row, rather than having petty thief’s and others risk their lives. There is nothing wrong with taking the worst prisoners and making them fight to the death if they have nothing left to live for anyways. This is the perfect plan to solve this major problem that the US is having.
This Ultimate Fight to the Death would solve the overpopulation problem because 1. If prisoners are fighting to the death, then one out of two must die, cutting the population in prisons almost in half, and 2. People would stop committing as many crimes knowing that if they go to jail there is a 50 percent chance of being killed. This would insanely decrease the population in jails, stopping overpopulation.
Furthermore, this would severely decrease the amount of taxpayer’s money that goes toward prisons. It would bring in revenue from advertisements, clothing, events, ticket sales, endless possibilities! If UFC can bring in that much money, then this will surely bring in at least that much. Think about how popular gladiator fights were in ancient Rome. This would basically be the same thing, except with modern day weapons and modern day fighting. This revenue could be put toward paying for all of the expenses that the prisons must pay for, thus reducing the amount of taxes needed to be paid and saving all of us money! I know you want to save more money for yourselves; we are all selfish to an extent.
It is clear that my idea will help this country in a very large way and in time make it such a more virtuous country. It will change the world even, I know this for sure. How much money it will bring in, however, I am not sure. But my guess would be at least $10,000,000,000 a year, paying for much of the expenses that prisons must pay for. We will not lose anything besides all of these poor “citizens” who have committed serious terrible acts. Which some may say losing them is gaining more security for the US. My idea is a win, win, win, win situation. Just so much winning, as Charlie Sheen would say. This idea is tough to turn down, therefore wont be.

Kiss and Tell

Retelling a specific instance he experienced in the past, Alain de Botton produces comic effect in "Kiss and Tell" by using subtle characterization to make the situation relatable to all readers. Many people as teenagers see their fathers as "nerdy" or "uncool", similar to the father in "Kiss and Tell", as shown by "I'm looking at the light fixtures they have. They're new tungsten bulbs, Japanese things, quite wonderful, they use only a small amount of electricity but give off very nice light." Also, it is very common for parents to have pity arguments about very little things as do the parents in this story, "This is prime argument territory for them, Mum will be asking Dad where he put the park ticket and he'll get flustered because he'll just have dropped it into the bin by mistake." Furthermore, many parents embarass their children and do not seem to care one bit, like the mother who "decided that the presence of four hundred people in the auditorium should be no impediment to her desire to shout 'Isabel' at top pitch and with all the excitement a woman recognizing a long-lost friend on the deck of an incomin cruise ship." This all characterizes Isabel's parents in a comedic way in which all readers may relate to it.

"Suburban" Thesis

Through explaining a past experience with a neighbor in "Suburban", John Ciardi uses annoyed sarcasm, situational irony, and vague personification in order to show how avoiding a tiny argument may prevent future conflict.

Self- Deprication

Anger Management

I don’t know what it is, or how I get so angry, but it seems as though there are more things that make me mad then things that make me happy. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is slow people. Now by slow people, I mean people who take 20 minutes ordering one item of off a menu or like last night, people who are checking out at a store and take their sweet little time. Here I am at CVS waiting in line, meanwhile there are 5 people in front and 5 people I back of me. The person checking out is only buying one bottle of shampoo so why does it take her 10 minutes to cash out? She has the NERVE to start small talk with the cashier and proceed to ask her how her day was and ask where she got her hair done. “Hey lady! I just want to buy my @#%$ gummy bears and proceed with my daily activities!” I scream in her ear. At least in my head that’s what I did.

Now when I get angry the things that go on in my head are unspeakable things, so I won’t speak of them. It is like in the movies where it shows what a person wants to do, then goes back to reality. The images that go on in my brain are what I want to do. Now when I actually do act in reality, it is not good, at all. However, something good does come out of it. My IQ shoots up to 160, right at Einstein’s level! I somehow in only seconds develop into the most intellectual person on Earth. I become the law representative of OJ Simpson. Anger causes me to have multiple personalities. I start saying words I don’t even know I knew, and I start forming sentences in the most complex way possible.

Now in soccer, it is the complete opposite. In soccer, I an angry almost the entire game. I do not know why, but it causes me to play harder. In soccer games, if you listen to me talking you will not be able to understand a word that I say. That is because I do not say words, I speak in jibberish by my lonesome. If I get beat, or the other team scores a goal, my hand automatically clenches and a few seconds later swells up and a mysterious dent appears on either the ground, a face, or a pole. It is a very strange occurrence that I cannot seem to explain. After this happens, I get back in my zone and continue having my conversation with myself in some sort of unknown language.

Many walls, my car, etc have faced my wrath. Fortunately though, no humans have. I have kept my anger to causing pain to inanimate objects rather than living, breathing objects. My friends say this is a problem. No, not the fact that I don’t hit people, the fact that I get so angry. I say it simply shows that I have emotions, there’s nothing wrong with showing them 100 percent of the time. If I really wanted to contain my anger, I could. I simply choose not to I tell them. Now who am I kidding? I CANNOT. I have tried so many times but I am basically Taz the Tasmanian devil combined with Daffy Duck. Always crazy, always angry. I am yet to find out why however, and I don’t know if I ever will.